


It's A Lonely Place Amongst These Stars

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [6]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, Absent Khan, Angst and heartbreak, Bickering, Bottom Kirk, Contemplative Kirk, Discontented Kirk, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Khirk, M/M, One Shot, Pining Kirk, Sad Kirk, Top Khan, Valentine's Day, Valentines, Wistful Kirk, heartbreak and angst, lonely kirk, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Seeing McCoy and Spock's happiness with each other prompts Jim Kirk to pine for the return of Khan Noonien Singh and the love they once shared.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Because Jim Kirk and Khan Noonien Singh deserve a Valentine, too.

Jim Kirk fingered the paper Valentine. It was a cheap thing, actually. A child’s toy. Something that had been popular over three hundred years ago. His grandfather’s grandfather had attended a small rural school back in Iowa and had given a similar paper Valentine to a little girl with blonde pigtails. That little girl had become Kirk’s grandfather’s grandmother ten years after that first paper Valentine had been exchanged. The little girl had solemnly accepted the paper sentiment as solemnly as it had been offered. Although cheaply made, it had been the foundation of a marriage and a lifetime commitment between two people who had fallen in love in country school. Although they never had had much money and had many hardships including the loss of a child and the family farm, they had never wavered in their love for each other. Just to be there for each other, knowing that the other existed. That had been enough. They hadn't needed anything else, least of all intrinsic riches.

They had never felt alone. Hell, they had even died within a few hours of each other. Their funerals had been at the same hour, on the same day, in the same Lutheran church where they had both been baptized, confirmed, and married. They were buried beside each other in the cemetery behind that country church in Iowa. Always together, never alone. Two sides of the same coin.

How lucky they had been!

Kirk wanted that kind of love. Hell, he’d had that kind of love. Once.

With Khan.

Khan Noonien Singh, scourge of the universe.

And Jim Kirk’s sometime lover.

The one Jim Kirk could not get out of his mind or his heart, and whose memory was still firmly embedded deep in Jim Kirk's love canal.

It was watching McCoy and Spock tonight as they had dined with Kirk that had caused a lot of Kirk's present melancholy. Also, the fact that Valentine's Day was upon them didn't help matters any. Valentines, a day for lovers. A day that caused sharp pain and loneliness for those who had no lovers. And for those who were separated from their lovers, the suffering was particularly intense and caused almost physical pain every time a breath was drawn.

Why breathe? Why make the effort? Indeed, why exist, at all?

McCoy and Spock had not intended to give any heartache to Kirk. It was just that they were so content in simply being together. McCoy spoke volumes to Spock with his soft looks and gentle smiles. Spock was not as open with his obvious regard for McCoy, except for the proprietorial way in which he touched McCoy. Spock was especially solicitous to McCoy when he decided to protect or to guide him. At other times, Spock seemed contented merely to have his hands somewhere on McCoy's body. The familiarity of the handling brought the Vulcan instant peace and calm.

The amazing thing was that McCoy allowed the constant contact, as if he was getting pleasure simply by giving Spock sensation and security. Kirk supposed McCoy realized how important he was to Spock that way. And, he had a hunch that McCoy liked the feel of Spock's hands on his body. All he knew, it seemed that the other two were constantly touching, even if only for a moment in passing. And if a hand could be allowed to rest on the other body for several moments, well, the look exchanged was the same as the one between lovers.

But Kirk also knew that McCoy's self-worth was often low, leaving him with a feeling of being alone. If Spock possessed him, however, then McCoy truly belonged to someone, somewhere. Not that McCoy did not appreciate Jim Kirk's friendship. That wasn't the point. It was that McCoy and Spock truly belonged to each other, in every sense of the word.

Their sex life must be very satisfying, indeed. He knew that they slept on one narrow bed, preferably one spooned around the other, with their arms and legs a merry tangle and their lips not far apart from each other.

But the bickering, goodness, the bickering! Apparently, it was a form of verbal sex play with them, whether either one would have given it that label or not. McCoy fumed and his eyes snapped while they argued. Spock smugly and expertly goaded the doctor just to get him to rant, just to get McCoy to be constantly aware of him. It was as if Spock needed McCoy to validate his own existence. And McCoy needed Spock to ground him, so he wouldn't go flying about every which way.

That was what got Kirk the most. Those two needed each other simply to exist and let each other know it. Over and over and over. They never seemed to tire of it, the letting the other know of their importance.

They had each other. So they were existing.

And Kirk did not have Khan with him.

Hell, he did not even know if Khan missed him, or needed him.

Or even ever thought of him.

It had been so long since he had seen or even heard from Khan. Khan had troubles, troubles and business, and Kirk couldn’t help him with either. So Khan had left to take care of that business and, maybe, somehow, settle his troubles.

It wouldn’t bother Kirk so much to wait alone and wonder, if it wasn’t for the fact that his friends were so happy together. Kirk knew that McCoy and Spock had not always known the kind of peace and satisfaction in each other that they were enjoying now. Kirk knew that they had attempted several times to connect. And finally they had.

And that was what bothered Kirk. Their final connection.

Hell, yes, he was jealous! Hell, yes, he wanted what they had with each other!

But he didn’t begrudge them.

He just wanted Khan back.

He wanted to feel Khan’s hands on his skin, lightly stroking and making every part of him vibrate with awareness. No one could do to Kirk’s body what Khan’s magic hands could do. And Kirk wanted to feel those hands on him again. Stroking, pressing, kneading, becoming more urgent, more searching, more thrilling, more intimate, more demanding, more loving, more fulfilling.

And Khan’s lips on his. Jim Kirk wanted to feel those lips of Khan’s on his mouth, his skin, the sensitive parts of his body that responded so quickly to Khan’s inquisitive mouth. And when that mouth puckered, then suckled on Kirk’s breasts, on his nipples, on the area beneath his navel, he wanted to gasp with pleasure and feel his body jerk in response. Kirk wanted to feel his penis twitch awake with the sensation of Khan’s seeking mouth on his naked body as the pressure from the moist lips registered in Kirk‘s most sensitive region. 

He wanted to shiver in expectation as he felt Khan’s manhood thrusting upward against his thigh as the two men writhed in passion together, too wrought up to form coherent words, too demanding in their need to be careful of the others' body.

And Jim Kirk wanted to be roughly flipped on his stomach by Khan and have his legs torn apart by Khan’s eager hands. He wanted to surrender as Khan savagely thrust into him, time after time after time. He wanted to be raised to the heights by the basest of acts that can be experienced by any two individuals. He wanted to be fucked until he was drooling and incoherent. And then he wanted Khan to do it to him slowly, just so Khan could hear Jim Kirk, mighty Starship captain that he was, whimpering and pleading for Khan to hurry, please, please, hurry!

And he wanted to doze in Khan’s arms in the afterglow of their lovemaking. He wanted to be sheltered by those arms, protected by those arms, possessed by those arms, so that he knew that he truly belonged to this man who awed him so much.

For Khan was his match, his equal, his second half, his universe. Besides that, Kirk loved him with a passion that Kirk thought he couldn’t achieve. Khan stirred Kirk to heights that Kirk thought impossible with their lovemaking. But Khan also stirred Kirk with a power and dignity that Kirk had never realized that he possessed.

But now Kirk waited. Perhaps someday Khan Noonien Singh would return to him. Until that day, all that Kirk could do was look into the field of stars before him and wish that he could find some refuge among those bright, cold sparks out there in that black void. But he knew that there was none, without Khan.

Kirk fingered the paper Valentine with its sentimental message, then placed it back among his possessions in the deepest part of his linen drawer.

It would be waiting here for Khan’s return.

Just as Jim Kirk would be.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing dealing with Star Trek, including story lines and/or characters.


End file.
